Okay, that�s getting depressing. There is still so much left to do. Damn, that woman won�t shut up. Taerna�s opened her book multiple times trying to give the lady the hint. She�s talking about her gambling bag now. Fabulous. Next thing you know she�ll be sharing pictures of her little dogs. She is such a small dog person. I�m going to guess yorkies. I had to stop typing there for a second. She was checking out my laptop. I can barely read what I�m typing, so I�m not too worried that she�s on to me. Shit, she�s pointing at the laptop. Hacking. I have no idea what she�s saying because I�ve got the Flaming Lips crooning in my ears. My ears that hurrrrrt. Oh why is this flight only half over.

I wish I had my camera with me. I can see the snow capped tips of the West Rockies out my window. The ground is starting to crack and break into the unforgiving dryness of the dessert. Soon, the pilot will announce that the people on the left side of the plane can check out the Grand Canyon. If we�re lucky, those of us on the right side will get to see a lake. I can�t remember which one. Over Kansas and Eastern Colorado, there was pretty heavy cloud cover, but now the sky is clear with only a few puffy white clouds spotting my elevated horizon. The snow topping the Rockies is considerably less than what existed only a couple of weeks ago when I was last flying to Las Vegas. I can imagine that the rivers are flowing and that the mountains are green and lush now. Chilly, for sure, but nothing a campfire and a warm sleeping blanket couldn�t cure. Man I could go for a Coors Original right now. I think it should be mandated that all flights over the Rockies are stocked with Coors.

Okay, can I get you a bit of turbulence? Crimony! We�re bouncing all over the place! Funny. During the turbulence, I was listening to a total rock out type song by Soundtrack of Our Lives. Now, Coldplay is lamenting about something and the flight is as calm and melodic as the song. Maybe electronic devices do affect the functioning of the plane after all!

Poor, poor Taerna. The lady is still going. I don�t think I�ve heard Taerna say more than two words. She�s given up and the book has taken up residence in the back of her seat pocket along with the puke sack and the in-flight magazine. All hope is gone. I could try and break up the conversation with a bathroom break, but I don�t do airplane lavatories. The smell, the potential for a splattered toilet seat and the freakish razorblade disposal slot that is now sealed off make the experience quite unpleasant and unnecessary in my world. Okay � the lady has a bookmarker that is a little pink tassel with a charm in the shape of a white coffee cup that reads, �I heart my attitude problem.� What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why the coffee cup? What is there to love about an attitude problem. It would seems to me that if you recognize that your attitude is a problem that you really don�t love it. Instead, wouldn�t you just love your attitude?

I think we just flew over Area 51 or something. The land is all grided out with roads, but there are no buildings. Maybe it is some kind of fancy irrigation. I wish I had a topographical map that I could pull up on my laptop during a flight to figure these kinds of things out. I have no worldly clue where we are at right now. All I know is that Roxette was under-rated. Go download some of their stuff. I promise you won�t be disappointed. While you�re out there, grab a bit of Ace of Base. Don�t laugh. You know you want to rock out to it in the car. �All that she wants isanotherba-beee!� Speaking of rocking out, in the car on the way to the airport, I was BLARING Journey. Damn I love me some Steve Perry. That freakish look and sound alike can�t hold a candle to my boy Steve. No one sings an �O� sound like he does.

So evidently, the Country Music Awards are being held in Las Vegas tonight. Woo! If I�m lucky, maybe I�ll hobnob with Kenny Chesney and his fat-faced puckered lip wife Renee. Or maybe, I�ll see Toby Keith cruising the strip in a Ford Truck Limo. I can�t stand that guy with his two-fingered pointing. What is that all about? While I�m making fun of country music stars, can we talk for a second� Crap, my battery died on the plane, and I have no idea who I was going to make fun of next.

We�re in Las Vegas, and get this� we got a SWEET upgrade! We had reserved a suite with two bedrooms because it was actually cheaper than the Snow Princess, Taerna and I each getting our own separate rooms. Well our regular two bedroom suite was upgraded to a Penthouse Suite complete with switch operated window shades and sheers, a bidet and a gigantic master bathroom. Taerna took pictures, so watch taerna.com for an update! I�m off to be fabulous. Later!

5:20 p.m. - May 17, 2005

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