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Snappy Retort

I live on the Missouri side of Kansas City. This means that should I have children, they will have access to one of the worst public school districts in the nation. This fact does not escape anyone in Kansas City. Being newly married, people feel they must constantly ask me when I plan to have kids, how many, and on and on and on. I�ve started to wonder if people ask these questions because they really just have nothing better to talk about, but anyhow, as I�m sure many of you have experienced, it gets quite obnoxious. I typically respond that no kids are on the way just yet, but that we can call them each time we have sex so that there is a good chance they�ll be the first to know. After indicating that kids may be somewhere in our future, most people remember that I live on the Missouri side of Kansas City which inevitably inspires them to ask or actually state, �So I guess you�ll be moving to Kansas then soon so they can go to good schools, right?�

In the past I�d usually half nodded slash shook my head no to that as we really didn�t have a good answer. Sometimes I half heartedly mentioned the idea of private school. I was reading one of the multitude of articles recently about the teaching of intelligent design within schools, specifically in some Kansas Schools when I came up with a snappy new comeback to the age old question slash statement � �So I guess you�ll be moving to Kansas then soon, won�t you?� My new response, �No. If I wanted my children to be taught creationism versus evolution, I�d send them to parochial school.�

Take that you superior state school system. My child might come out of the Missouri school system with only a 3rd grade reading level, but at least he or she won�t think that the earth is only 6000 years old and that baby dinosaurs rode in a small dinghy tied onto Noah�s Ark.

In other news, am I the only one in the world who watches Arrested Development on Fox? That show is so damn funny. I had to rewind parts of it because I was laughing so hard I didn�t hear the next joke. Such a smart, smart show. Set your DVR today, folks. So damn funny.

Our fall volleyball league has started, and we are once again enjoying a weekly ass-kicking. This time, there are real rules and we're on an indoor court. Neither of these things have worked in our favor as we are still losing miserably. I have vowed to hate any man who wears swim trunks on the volleyball court. For some reason, that really bugs. I don't know. The ref is this bitchy little "I'm So Good at Volleyball" chickadee who actually called a double hit on a perfectly good set of mine the other day. After she blew the whistle, she tilted her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders while making the little double hit move with her hands. It was a bad call. It wasn't a double hit and I was pissed. I picked up the ball and hurled it at her head knocking her little shrugging shoulders off the podium. My team cheered and then we keyed her car in the parking lot. A fun night. I wonder if she'll be there tonight...

1:08 p.m. - September 29, 2005

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