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My B-Party ROOLED

I believe the best line of the bachelorette party was: Jane, I'd put my arm around you, but its just not natural.

Well my friends succeeded in forcing too many drinks down my throat - I mean they held me at gunpoint and told me I HAD to drink all those drinks. Seriously. Okay, so I was a willing participant. The good news is that none of the drinks came back up, and by noon Sunday I was recovered enough from my bachelorette party to help host an open house to try and sell The Boy's house. And let me tell you, that was fun. Mmm hmmm! So details - we'll start with the bachelorette party here on out known as the B-Party because I'm lazy.

The B-Party started with Taerna and Jane trickling in a bit early so they could watch my transformation from "Grungy Saturday Running Errands" Jen to "Tampax Pearls - Take One" Jen. You see, I did as I was told and hunted down an all white outfit. I found almost every thread of clothing at the Guess store save the white under-tank I bought because evidentially, if you are wearing a Guess v-neck top, you are okay with everyone seeing your bra and your belly button. Me - not so much, so I had to go to another store to find my modesty. I did find super cute white stilettos at Guess and I'm proud to say I did not fall in them, and they actually didn't hurt my feet all that much all night long. Of course I did sit on my fat white-clad ass all night due to the fact that white accentuates ass cheeks like none other. Seriously - big white cheeks. Woo! Back to the evening...

I got ready while my friends scurried about my shitty kitchen preparing a fabulous taco buffet complete with a giant pukey plate of tomatoes. Ick. The rest of the food was awesome and provided a nice base for the drinking. Let's see if I can recall what I drank:

2 Margaritas, 1 glass of Cakebread (yummy), 2 Mandarin and Sevens, 1 Chocolate Cake Shot, 1 - 57 Chevy shot (we think), 1 Bud Light and 1 shot which I can't remember what it was. Had I not been drinking margaritas, I would've had one of the yummy looking Bellini's that Taerna made, however, I somehow missed out on that opportunity. Dammit. At the end of the night, I think I downed at least three glasses of water before I crashed. I would've been better off to have had nine glasses of water to match the nine servings of liquor, but oh well. The headache eventually wore off and I didn't yak, so that's what matters.

I had a wonderful time. In my happy little world most everyone had fun whether they think they did or not. I had the obligatory drunken "your such a great friend" conversation., the obligatory drunken "we can solve this problem together" conversation and the obligatory drunken "I'm not that drunk" conversation. I believed and meant every word I said, especially because I'm sure I repeated each word at least six times. It's whatcha do when you over-imbibe.

The evening did reinforce three things: 1) I don't miss going to bars, though it can be entertaining especially when you have Jane and Taerna by your side pointing out those who need pointed out. 2) I am just as happy when I only have one or two drinks when I'm out with friends versus drinking until it hurts. 3) I lurve my friends!!! They left their newborn babies at home, told their significant others to clear their schedules and pick them up and drop them off, they provided my friends that they didn't even know with dinner and drinks, and on and on and on. Super fun stuff.

And then sometime between Saturday night and� Sunday, hell froze over for The Boy. He went to Kansas State University and I went to the University of Kansas. Now please don't drop everything and rush out to find one of those "House Divided" birdhouses or anything, because it will just be turned into firewood. Anyhow, this information is important because if you Google K-State, I'm sure you'll end up with a picture of a quarterback with his arm cocked back ready to throw a football. And if you Google KU, you'll end up with a picture of James Naismith or a point guard shooting the basketball from the top of the key. This works well for us, because it has always been that K-State rocks in football and KU owns the basketball court and we share our hatred of Duke, so there's been no real college rivalry here. Until Saturday night when the Jayhawks beat the Wildcats on something they call a football field. I think we scored more goals or something - I don't really know... but we WON!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! So there's that, and of course I had to point that out, because well, shit! We won a football game!!! Woooo!!! So hell is getting icy in the land of The Boy. Well, then he wakes up much more hung over than me, and decides that the only cure is more cowbell - I mean Taco Hell. So while the rest of us scurry about to get his house ready to be sold, he drives to Taco Hell only to discover they are out of tortillas. Out of tortillas - what madness is that!!! In the end, we had left over burgers from a BBQ we didn't even attend. The poor guy - first his team loses to a school that couldn't tell a tight end from a hole in the ground, and then his run to the border is ruined by the lack of one of the four essential ingredients for any type of Mexican food. The horrors!

Alright - I have no pictures to share from the party due to the fact that I was the one in the spotlight, so we'll just have to hound Jane for her interpretation of the evening. I'll start the chant... Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane.....

4:58 p.m. - October 11, 2004

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