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Left Breast Exposure

I am very Johnny Cash today. Something said to me to wear all black today. I think it is freaking people out. It isn�t like this is the first time I�ve worn all black, but I think the combination of the new hair and the all black makes people make faces at me. Then again, it isn�t the first time people have made faces at me. I might have chosen today attire based on yesterday�s fashion error. I bought a new shirt, and being that it was designer, that meant it didn�t button all the way up to the neck as most shirts do. This wasn�t a problem when I looked in the mirror yesterday morning, but later in the day, I realized why all the menfolk had been so eager to discuss projects with me all day. The collar on the left side had a habit of folding under which pulled the whole left lapel back an inch or two partially exposing my left breast. Greeeat. I�ve been looking for ways to advance my career. We�ll see if that helps any.

After exposing my left breast all day, I managed to make it to the gym for the second night in a row. Wheee!!! Last night, something even odder than the Husky Phoebe running guy occurred. I was getting changed in the locker room which let me just say isn�t my favorite thing to do. I�m very much the keep the eyes down, get changed quickly and get the fuck out type person. I was almost home free � putting on my sneakers (hee � I said sneakers), when Advertising Account Exec. Chic came sashaying in. I pegged her as an Addie right away. She was borderline high-end medical sales, but her love of fine clothing and tall pointy shoes said that she wouldn�t be comfortable wearing scrubs to see the truly expensive stuff to snooty surgeons. She was talking to someone else who was walking out of the locker room, and I was hurriedly tying up the laces on my sneakers staring intently at the laces. The other girl left. I thought I was home free, until she spoke directly to me.

AdExecuChic: Tee hee! I�m certainly going to look silly with these little circles all over my legs!

I glance up to see that she�s standing there in fishnet stockings and lacy thong underwear. She�s looking right at me, waiting for a response.

Me: Yeah, fishnets will do that to you. (Who am I kidding � I haven�t worn fishnets since Taerna�s Pimp and Ho party in the summer of 2003.)

AdExecuChic: Gosh, I hope no one notices. There are little circles all up my legs and thighs � even on my toosh!

My eyes were glued to the floor. I went to a small rural high school. The last time I was in a locker room with other girls was in that high school when we were all battling incredibly low self-esteem and undressing meant removing numerous layers of flannel shirts, long underwear and utility boots thanks to the fact that grunge was in. As I smiled meekly and rushed to finish putting on my shoes, it occurred to me that AdExecuChic had entered the locker room wearing long pants and tall boots with tall pointy stiletto heels. Why she chose to wear fishnets is beyond me. No one would see them � EXCEPT FOR RANDOM PEOPLE IN THE LOCKER ROOM!! Ew!

As I rushed out, I saw her bouncing around in a pair of bright orange-red shorts that covered just slightly more than my underwear covered on me. She was telling the woman who just entered that she was headed to the spinning class. Somebody got an eyeful of ass crack in that class.

Husky Phoebe guy wasn�t at the gym last night, but there was a man with hair that grew enthusiastically from all places on his body directly towards his spine giving him a full body part. I think I saw something like it on Ripley�s Believe it or Not.

The rest of the night involved curling up on the couch and watching Wednesday night television. I took a chance and watched �Lost.� Can someone please tell me what was chasing Boone and his slutty sister last night? Without explanation, I was forced to imagine that they were R.O.U.S.�s. Also, is anyone else out their hoping that Jimmy Smits is elected president? I heart him.

10:04 a.m. - January 13, 2005

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