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Sleepless Night
Oh my eyes are heavy. For whatever reason, I chose last night as the night to freak out about my insurgent. The Boy is staying over to provide protection and whatnot, and Eli is on full alert (as seen below), however that didn�t calm my fears. I kept hearing noises and watching for the new security lights to come on and the alarm to chime and ohmigod I forgot to bring the phone into my room so I could call 911 if I did here the chimes of doom and how can I possibly get up because spiders are covering the floor and the keys are on the coffee table and the insurgent probably already has them and on and on and on.
When I finally did fall asleep, I had the craziest dream in which my insurgent broke in and had already looted the first floor and was headed up to the second floor before the alarm went off. He burst into the room, and my only clue that I wasn�t dreaming was the orientation of the bed. Somehow in my dream, it had been turned so I was right by the bedroom door (and yes, for those of you who read Jane's Journal, I do sleep on the side closest to the door.) But now I was even closer. And the insurgent came in. And he looked a lot like the bastard child of Taye Diggs and Jamie Foxx but in that greasy �I�m going to bash your brains in� criminal sort of way. He had a taser that looked kind of like a cross between a real gun and a small water gun which he used to taser the crap out of me then The Boy before running to the third floor. Only somehow I was able to get up right as he was headed out the bedroom door and I started beating him with a piece of stray floorboard that was just lying around (ironically, there is a piece of stray floorboard in my bedroom due to the recent demolition of one of the other bedrooms on the second floor of the house.)
Well that only pissed Jamie Diggs off, and he ran to third floor, which is gutted attic space filled with a bunch of tools for the remodeling. I took that opportunity to call the cops and was crying and frantic and shit and I remember the 911 dispatcher saying sarcastically when I was finally able to blurt out my address �Oh, so you need some help do you???� For whatever reason, the me in my dream decided to run to the third floor �cause you know, following a dangerous criminal with a taser shaped like a water gun is always the best idea.
Somehow, this genius thief had managed to open the third floor like a sardine can with these bright blue steel struts and beams � kinda like an erector set. He�d also created a structure to drive my parents Envoy up to the level of the third floor so he could steal the table saw. Oh my dad would be PIIIIISSSED if they took his tools!
Anyhow, it gets kind fuzzy after that. More tasering, more screaming at the 911 dispatch, and then that odd birds-eye view of my house being gutted open like the turkey on National Lampoon�s Christmas Vacation. I woke up drenched in sweat and of course refused to get up due to the fact that I still feared the spiders.
Enough about that � I should�ve started with a welcome to the gazillion new readers who showed up thanks to my sister-in-law, Jane�s Journal. Just a little trivia here for you. These are my page view stats prior to Jane linking to me:
July 8 � 4So now we know the power of Jane. For all of you who decide to stick around, I hope I don�t suck too much. I�ve really appreciated all of the comments in my guestbook and I will try to respond so long as The Man doesn�t keep me down. I showed the site to The Boy last night, and he also mentioned the need to change the site design. I�m not making any promises, but we�ll see what we can do�
July 9 � 28 Taerna linked to me that day!
July 10 � 9
July 11 � 1
And then for yesterday when Jane linked to me:
July 12 � 936
One last note, The Boy and I were watching TV last night and saw a commercial for the Men�s Warehouse � you know the ones that end with George Zimmer, the CEO or whatever saying, �You�ll like how you look. I guarantee it!� I mimicked George, but said, �I gauran-fucking-tee it� and we laughed for quite sometime. Then I got to thinking, I wonder if George has ever said that on camera, you know � joking around on the set. How awesome would that be???
Here you see my top-notch security system complete with attack catten on full alert. In the background, you see the box for the new lockset Paco installed to keep the insurgent out. No taser gun wielding Taye Foxx asshole could ever penetrate this crack security system. I guaran-fucking-tee it.
10:29 a.m. - July 13, 2004
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