-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Into the Criminal Mind

Well thank goodness that weekend is over. A quick update - I hate society for breeding the punkass sumbitch that broke into my house. I hate the insurance company for not knowing jackshit and for wanting to split the offense of stealing the keys to my car between my homeowner�s and car insurance policies making it futile to submit a claim on either one. I hate Home Depot because they are slow at rekeying locks. I probably hate more stuff, but that�s all that comes to mind. I do love my family for coming to my rescue and replacing locks and trading cars and installing motion detectors and for spending hours on end with me trying to peer into the criminal mind to ascertain his/her next move.

To thwart this criminal mastermind, we have sent my car back to Salina with my parents. The hope is, he�ll come down off of the H-Train and decide to come back by and collect my car � only it won�t be there, but my parents� Envoy will be in its place. And he�ll thank, �Damn � bitch is good! She done got herself new wheels. Sheeeeit.� And then he�ll leave my neighborhood FOREVER thinking its not worth the risk since I must�ve also upgraded the security features of my home. Note in all of this I say �he�. I have no clues as to the identity of my intruder, but the image that instantly comes to mind is a guy that was strolling up and down the middle of the street last Sunday while we were working in the yard. He walked by three or four times super slow never ever using the sidewalk. I always try to say �hi� to people walking by if I make eye contact. I greeted him, but he just veered more towards the opposite side of the street versus walking dead center. Fucker. Without even saying anything, The Boy brought up the same guy as a possible suspect. If the police do catch someone, I plan to get a copy of their mug shot and hang it on my fridge � orange jumpsuit and all.

While I was typing this, my dad called with some good news! In Salina, there is a shop called Burgess Cycle that will rekey my entire car for $96. Yippeee!!! That�s much better than the $750 the dealer wanted. Salina RULZ (sometimes).

On Saturday, we went to Smithville Lake for a 30th birthday party for one of our friends. We had a great time being drug around the lake on an innertube by a bass boat. Today, my arms hurt so much I can barely reach into the upper cabinet in my office to get my morning bowl of Chex mix. Yee-ouch! The rules say you have to leave the park shelters at dusk. We were all making fun of that rule until dusk fell. As the sun set on the horizon, we started to see the silhouettes of spiders dropping from the ceiling of the shelter. By the time the sun was gone, we could see them all hovering around us. The guys pulled the tiki torches from the ground and started waving them around like a bunch of idiots trying to smoke the spiders out. The spiders were everywhere. Had I not been so freaked out about an intruder breaking back into my house that night, I�m quite positive I would�ve had my most reoccurring nightmare from childhood � the one in which spiders covered the ground preventing my escape from the hell of a spider covered floor. Shudder�

Here you see me and a Tom Jones impersonator at a Las Vegas convention center. It has nothing to do with today's entry, except to illustrate that there are a variety of jobs out there for my intruder to explore rather than breaking into homes and freaking out hard-working citizens like myself.

11:58 a.m. - July 12, 2004

previous - next