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In the News
I'd like to take an opportunity today to comment on a couple of articles I've read recently. FYI - I'm a bit of a news junkie. I like to jam out to NPR in the car, and check various news websites throughout the day. It probably has to do with the fact that I don't have cable, and my nightly dilemma is whether to watch the Jim Leher News Hour, local news or fuzzy reruns of Will and Grace. We'll go into my non-cable having ways later. Please don't think less of me. Anyhow, here are a couple of articles that caught my attention:
Found via Fark:
This article offers step by step instructions on how to walk your cat on a leash. Now I have once witnessed this phenomenon and was quite amazed at the cooperativeness of the cat in the situation. As I read through the article (and I kept reading because this article is like a car accident with the flashing lights and people standing around staring at bumpers and oh so we should all slow down so we can SEE these people's pain and suffering, hey who's that woman in the SUV behind me screaming "DO NOT SLOW DOWN YOU NOSEY BASTARD IDIOTS... ARGHHHHH!!! p.s. I'm the screaming one), I couldn't helping thinking of how Eli would never stand for any of this. A few of the author's lines and my thoughts:
1. "Even older cats can be trained to accept a harness and leash if the owner is patient, persistent, and sensitive to the cat's body language."
So would you say if the cat lunges at you as you near him with the harness and grabs on to your arm with teeth and claws and starts rabbit-kicking you to try and detach your hand from your arm that you should interpret that as negative body language?
2. "Let your cat get used to the harness and leash by leaving them near his favorite sleeping place for a few days."
Favorite sleeping place??? As in the singular? As in "a" place???? Eli sleeps everywhere. He sleeps on the bathmat in front of the toilet. He sleeps dead center on the rug in the living room. If Holly is over, he sleeps on the top stair of the basement steps just inside his cat door so he can monitor her comings and goings. He sleeps on my bed, the guest bed, in the hallway, in the single point in the gutted attic that allows a small pinpoint of natural sunlight and air to brush his whiskers. My house would be littered with harnesses if I put them in his "favorite sleeping place." And if he feared the harness, he'd find places to sleep where no cat had ever slept before.
3. "Don't try to walk Kitty at this point, just let him walk where he pleases, dragging the leash behind him. Always supervise these sessions in case the leash gets caught on something. Most cats will accept the addition of the leash readily, but if yours becomes agitated, divert his attention."
Eli attacks the frayed edges of the old bath towel I use to mop up spills on the floor. I've had to remove the tie backs from sweaters because he will swat at them as I walk across the room. If I place a string across his back, he will roll around kicking and gnawing it for hours. When he gets entangled, his instinct is to feel threatened, run and then swat at you if you try and help him. Divert his attention my ass!
4. "Using a sweet, high-pitched voice, encourage him to follow you."
"No, Eli! Don't attack me! Down, Eli! NO! Stop it! Dude, I knew you when you were the size of your head. If you don't pull your claws in now and let me attend to the bleeding I will KICK YOUR ASS!!!"
Well you can tell where this is going. Eli will not be harness-trained anytime soon.
Hee hee hee! If you are too lazy to click the link, this article discusses a common problem on Missouri Rivers - drunken nude idiots floating down rivers and assaulting innocent bystanders. I use the word "innocent" loosely here. I was once floating down the Current River in the heart of the Ozarks and was assaulted by a bunch of river dwellers who distracted us with water guns while two women opened up our coolers and started launching our Miller Lite's back to their men folk on the shore. I kid you not - I had to start beating those toothless freaks with my paddle to get them to stop
Anywho - if you have never been on a float trip, the main goal is to get wasted, get tan and listen to every recording ever made by CCR. The Boy's friends always like to try and "blend-in" with the locals down in the Ozarks for added fun. On our last trip, he was the envy of all with his homemade hat which read "Shut up woman." Having actually been to the river in question and witnessing the many nude or partially nude idiots on that river, I have to laugh at the idea of enforcing the ban. Here's what that would entail:
1) The river is too shallow for a boat with an engine. You often have to get out and push your canoe when the water is too shallow. That means cops in canoes. This is getting funny already.
2) Define nude - cause floaters get creative. We once passed a raft where all of the men had pulled their swimming trunks down low to reveal a row of asscracks perched on the inflated edge of their raft. How do you prove they did that on purpose?
3) How do you pull over a canoe? Can you legally handcuff someone while transporting them on a waterway? What if they actually lost their swimwear as may actually happen if their canoe tipped over?
All of these issues and more face canoe cops. I wish them well in their journey to make Missouri Rivers safe.
Well I hope to be able to update on Monday while on the road in Ohio. I've given myself exactly 30 minutes to deplane, pick up a rental car and be sitting in a conference room for my meeting. Oh, and I'm traveling with a co-worker notorious for unexpected diversions. This should be interesting!
Last night, I got diverted by construction and took the road less traveled home through a more questionable part of the city. I was almost afraid to take this picture, but I felt it was an important statement this car owner was making. If you can't read it, it says: A woman with a gun has more fun. I've been thinking of putting that appliqu� on the window my insurgent used to enter my house.
10:47 a.m. - July 16, 2004
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