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Wedding Shit Wednesday Relived!

Where is my Taerna? I'm going absolutely batty. I have tasks to do at work, but they are the kind of tasks that remind me that maybe I do want to pursue even more education because I'm not quite sure why I do what I do. Sigh. Nothing entertaining or funny has happened in the past couple of days. I'm so bored at work, I'm actually considering exercising. Yes - that thing where you get your heart rate up and you sweat a little. Super sigh.

Alright, something just happened. I don't know that it is entertaining or funny, however, it relates to wedding shit, and despite me already being married, it would appear that the tradition of Wedding Shit Wednesday continues.

Ryan, when he was still The Boy, picked out a super cool wedding ring from the options I presented him. It has been absolutely, positively the most painful and stressful major purchase I've made. Seriously. Buying a car was easier. When he finally chose, and I finally found a store that would sell said ring, it was too late to get his ring in his size in time for our November 6th wedding. Perfect. So for the past month, we've been waiting patiently (for the most part) for the ring to be made in a small village in Italy and shipped to Phoenix and finally on to us. And yesterday, it happened. Only when I opened the FedEx box, to my horror, I discovered a ring with a deep gouge in a very noticeable place along with many scratches and nicks along the inside of the band. Not exactly what I'd dreamed of presenting to my dear husband. It gets worse.

Ryan did not get home from work until 2:43 a.m. I know this because Eli was extremely dissatisfied with his late arrival, and bounded across my chest while I was in level 4 REM sleep causing my to jolt out of bed and yell, "I didn't know it should be washed in cold water!" Mind you, he went to work at 7:00 am. That's a long day of architecting in anyone's book.� As you may have guessed, he wasn't exactly interested in trying on his ring, and I was in no condition to present it.

5 hours later, I've showered and was about to leave for work. I tiptoed in, nudged him ever so gently and he indicated through a series of grunts and whines, that yes, he needs to wake up, but no, he doesn't want the light on, but yes, go ahead and turn it on. After a few minutes he was able to open his eyes, but not focus clearly enough to see the flaws in the ring. This wasn't such a bad thing, I thought. He'll be able to put the ring on, and that should make him happy even though he's had very little sleep. Except. The ring didn't fit. It was too big. GASP! How could it be too big! And flawed!!!

Seeing as it already had an issue, I pointed out the other flaws and asked if he could make it to a local jewelry store to have it sized. He called a few minutes ago, and informed me it was a quarter size larger than what we ordered. I called the jewelry store in Phoenix (or Pa-honix if you are that guy in the UPS commercial).

Me: I received the ring yesterday and was quite disappointed. Did you have a chance to look at it before it was shipped to me?

Ring Guy: No. Actually I didn't. I had it shipped to you right away because I knew you'd been waiting on it.

Me: Well, it has (insert description of flaws here), AND it is a quarter size larger than what we ordered. It really isn't acceptable.

Ring Guy: (apologetically but defending his sales turf) Oh, no. What exactly is wrong with it?

Me: (Repeat description of flaws and sizing issues ending with the statement that sealed the deal:) My husband actually asked if I'd purchased the ring used. He was joking, I think, but it was quite embarrassing.

Ring Guy: Oh, I assure you, it is not used. I think I know what happened. We had ordered both your size and the larger size, and I think inventory dropped the ball. I'm going to check with my inventory people and call you right back.

Three minutes later....

Ring Guy: Yeah, sure enough! That's what happened. I'm going to have to ask that you part with the ring for just a few more days. If you can send the ring back today, we can get the right one out to you expeditiously.

Me: Okay, fine. Where do I send it to?

As it turns out they have some complicated system which involves computers, faxing labels, standing next to fax machines, etc. All was fine and dandy and I stood next to the fax machine as instructed until I heard my phone ringing back in my office.

Ring Guy: Yeah, our computers are down. They are down in the whole building. I can't generate a label without the computer due to security reasons. They won't let me handwrite it. They say the computers will be back up by 1:00 pm, and then I'll be able to get the label printed and I'll call you to pick up the fax.

Next followed a discussion we'll call, "what time is it in the land of we ignore daylight savings time." So now I'm waiting, and Ryan's wearing a ring he shouldn't be wearing, but it really doesn't matter because dammit, it needs to be fixed anyhow. The ring guy thinks the marks were caused by a sizing machine, but who sends out a ring that's obviously marred?

I wish this were the only remaining wedding headache, however we are still dealing with the Phucktographer. Yesterday, I finally received a response to an email I sent two weeks ago asking about the progress of our online proofs. The email included a bunch of lame excuses including that he'd been out of town, and well I will just CTRL-V the rest:

Now I am going though all the piles of emails and answering each and every one. I feel like Santa Claus at Christmas time.��I will let you know as soon as they are ready.

I am dumbfounded by this email. I feel like Santa Claus? Which Santa Claus is this? Is this the Santa that pisses off brides by holding their wedding photos captive at the NorthFuckingPole? Because in my world, Santa is a responsible and timely sort of guy who delivers the goods within the preset timeframe WITHOUT having to be reminded a gazillion times. I had waited a full two weeks to bother him again, and had earlier that morning sent a specific request for a single photo to include in our Thank-oliday You cards. I'm giving him until the end of today before I respond with this:

Dear Phucktographer,

As you dig deep into the stocking of emails you've received there at the NorthFuckingPole, please note my Christmas wish of having just one of our photos by the end of this week so that our yuletide greetings are complete with the warmest wishes of this wonderful season. Maybe one of Santa's little helpers can lay down the crack pipe for just a few minutes to help a sister out.

Sincerely,

Your Nightmare Before Christmas

Will it ever end? Oh yeah, I forgot to bring in the other memory sticks, so I don't have any pictures from Maui to share yet. Instead, I'll share this photo of Ryan feeling the steam of a real live volcano. Say it with me - hot molten lava.

2:16 p.m. - December 08, 2004

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