-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can't take a joke

I work in a stuffy corporate environment. It isn't cardinal red pantsuit stuff, or paisley scarf and ivory silk shirt stuffy, but it is just stuffy enough that if you crack a joke referencing the movie Office Space, there is a 76% chance that the joke recipient won't get it. Chances are that unless it was released by Disney, my co-workers haven't seen it. That may explain why my references to James Spader movies such as Secretary or Crash drop like a lead balloon as well.

Anyhow, this is pertinent information because yesterday's staff retreat was held at a casino. As I was driving to the retreat, a genius idea entered my brain. The plan upon arrival at the casino was to proceed to the actual casino versus our meeting room where I would acquire a cigarette, a plastic cup filled with a frozen margarita and a bucket full of nickels. I'd wait until I could hear the president of the company kicking off the meeting, then saunter in sipping on my margarita with the lit cigarette filling the room with smoke while the sound of jostling nickels accompanied my every step to my seat in the middle of the room. The thought on the look of my co-workers faces cracked my shit up immensely. I imagined the hushed debates over whether or not it was legal to smoke in the conference room area, I mean it's legal to smoke everywhere else, but surely they wouldn't allow it in here, would they? I don't even smoke, never have, but if I thought they could take the joke, I would have lit the cigarette and done my best to make holding it "look natural." Alas, I knew that I'd probably fired rather than revered as the great prankster I once was, so instead, I sauntered in and sulked at my seat in the back of the room. Bummer.

Yesterday morning, I grabbed a CD off the top of the stack of CD's in the living room. One of Ryan's friends had burned a copy for him, and I remember hearing something about "best I've heard in a long time." I figured it was some Guided By Voices type crap that I'd hate, but I was in no mood to sift through my CDs, so I just went with it. Holy cow, where have I been? I'm sure that you all know Modest Mouse and have their whole album memorized by now what with the two Grammy nominations and all, but I've been listening to NPR. And might I just add that I hope my boss likes me as much as Rumsfeld's boss likes him, because damn he's got a check minus next to his name under "Get's along with his/her peers." Politics aside - I heart Modest Mouse. I had actually heard one of the songs I love during a brief NPR wattage failure and remember thinking to myself that I need to figure out who that is. Well now I know. I've emerged from my NPR cocoon and it is glorious. This morning was the first morning in a very long time in which I had to remind myself to turn down the music as I pulled into the company parking lot. Sweet!

So it is wedding shit Wednesday, and I'm immeasurably depressed to say that there is still drama with the whole Phucktographer and the wedding ring stories. It would seem (based on message board gossip) that the Phucktographer is bankrupt, but is also refusing to give people their digital files or negatives. Why he needs them in his possession while he sits on his ass eating cheetos and watching Maury is beyond me. I did receive one file from him after much bitching and moaning, but it was too late to include it in my Thankoliday You cards. Phucker.

The ring - OH the ring! When we last left off, I was bitching because the jewelry store in Pa-honix had sent the wrong size of ring, and furthermore, it was in really bad shape. We sent the ring back and I waited patiently in my office each day for the big white truck to arrive bearing the correctly sized ring with no visible flaws in it. And did it show up??? NO! Finally, after about a week, the assmunch at the jewelry store called to inform me that while they had Ryan's ring, something had happened to it, and it was absolutely pulverized. Yes. He said pulverized. Because of the sad state of the ring, they had to request ANOTHER one from the designer in Italy and it would be ANOTHER four weeks before it would be in. They are knocking 10% off the cost, but at this point, I don't have much faith that the ring will be even acceptable once it is received. I mean seriously - what are the chances that two rings from the same designer get "pulverized." One would think the design was flawed and therefore the ring should not be purchased. I guess we'll see. Ryan isn't bitching too much yet, so that's good at least. I'll keep y'all posted because I know you're dying to know the boring details of this boring story.

Oh - and if anyone is still reading, thanks for the advice on onion stank hands. I'll have to give the two methods a shot next time I cook

12:09 p.m. - December 22, 2004

previous - next