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The Phucktographer LIVES!

No. Oh hell no! The Phucktographer has resurfaced with a generic �Dear Client� email. It has been almost four months since my wedding. I was supposed to have access to all of my digital images online within two weeks of the ceremony. The Phucktographer claimed he had never taken more than six months to completely deliver all products and services including wedding albums that people had ordered as part of their wedding packages. And here it is, almost four months since the wedding and all I have to show for the money I plunked down for this jackass is one grainy image and a generic form email full of typos and excuses. This ass monkey has the nerve to request that we format our emails to him in a specific way so that he can properly categorize and respond to them. I�ll get right on that.

At one point in his poor excuse for a piece of communication, he asks us to stop having our �parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends, coworkers, etc. to refer questions to the bride and groom.� It would appear that he has been receiving quite a bit of pressure from his clients to deliver as PHUCKING contracted. I better not fall into the category of overly obnoxious with this guy because I am the only one who has ever called or emailed him. PHUCKER. Why am I even concerned that he might think me too persistent? After all, I�ve only been asking for what I paid him to do!!! Oh yeah, might it be because he holds the only copies of pictures of my entire extended families standing on the altar with us? Maybe it is because he probably has the only picture of me dancing with my dad on the night of my wedding (in other pictures, my dad completely disappeared due to the massiveness of my dress � hee hee!). The email carries a tone throughout that basically says, be thankful I�m giving you anything, Bridezilla! He claims not to be filing for bankruptcy, however a quick search of the net reveals that he is not unfamiliar with filing for bankruptcy and he has let his business license with the state expire. PHUCKER!

Worst off, he rounds out this piece of shit email with: �If you have an unanswered question, a product which you have expected (other than your wedding package), or any other need, please send one email request and I will answer as soon as possible. Please refrain from sending multiple requests. The voluminous amount of emails has drastically slowed production.�

Oh. So ignoring my emails has made it hard for him to get his damn job done. Riiight. Look here, Phucker, I will send you as many emails as I feel like sending. I might start sending him emails to let him know how things are going in my personal life. Let�s see if he reads this type of shit:

Dear Phucktographer,

Hey, just checking in to see how things were coming with my wedding photos. It has been awhile since we chatted, and things were crazy last month. You would have thought I had my uterus amputated when my monthly visitor showed up. Crazy stuff! And the gas - whoa nelly! It was bad! Anyhow, I�m looking forward to finally seeing pictures of my wedding that was almost four months ago. I hope you can stop surfing the net for nude pictures of Gary Coleman long enough to do some good post production work on our images. Thanks so much!

Jennifer

Shake it off, shake it off. Just remember, E-bean is the greatest. If it weren�t for him, I would have no pictures of my wedding. I heart E-bean.

I spent 25 minutes on the elliptical machine last night and then another ten minutes wobbling around the track trying to get my knees back under me, then another 20 minutes lifting weights. This is wonderful, and boy does my heart feel healthy and all EXCEPT I am quite positive that due to a personal obligation and my work schedule that I will not have a chance to work out for the rest of the week thus negating last night�s efforts. I may actually have some time to work out over the next few days, except my boss is a big workout fiend and the last thing I want is to be trapped in a tiny fitness room at the hotel with him on one treadmill and me on the other. Ew. Super ew. I think I�m more phobic about that than the whole walking into a bathroom after someone thing. It�s just not happening.

Did you know that they are going to auction off the dance floor from the Saturday Night Fever movie? I saw an article on that somewhere on the net. The club featured in the movie is closing its doors and the owner suspected that some crazed fan out there would buy the floor. You know it would look kinda nice on the third floor of my house�

2:28 p.m. - February 22, 2005

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