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Smoker Party Chick

My non-pay impacting review is today. It was supposed to have already occurred, however it had to be rescheduled due to something or other, so now I am a mere two hours from my review. I really wish it would have been this morning because I had a great weekend and wasn�t as jaded about a few recent happenings here and there. Now that it has been delayed until this afternoon, my inner-cynic has returned and I have to keep reminding myself not to stray off course during the review. Translation, I must do my best not to sound like a whiney little bitch. I�ve got a lot of potential to make this go well, but the gossipy Jr. High girl that lives deep within me is threatening to break free. I must suppress Rhonda. She cannot speak during this hour long meeting. Dammit, Rhonda, shut your pie hole!

Yes, I am going insane, and yes I have named my gossipy Jr. High Girl alter-ego Rhonda. Rhonda was also the name I used when a guy would hit on me at the bar and I wanted to clue my friends in to the fact that his advances were a non-starter. Rhonda. It�s a good alter-ego name.

I mentioned above that I had a good weekend. There were no parents in town, and for once we got to act like real people. I honestly can�t remember much of what we did on Friday night. I do remember that my car windows freaked out with one refusing to roll back up and two others refusing to budge at all. Ironically, the one window that functioned perfectly is the one that is now out of whack since the car�s visit to the repair shop. They didn�t screw all of the molding back in place correctly so now it rattles. Of course while the car was in the shop, they took the opportunity to discover a myriad of other ailments including leaky oil lines, leaky power steering, the need for "fuel service: and I swear to God they broke the motor on my driver�s side window so that I�d have to replace it as well. Oh, and all of my brakes need replacing. Fabulous. Not at all trusting them, I took the car home after the "repaired" the windows. Once I get an idea of what I really want done, I plan to call them and let them win the business bringing up the fact that I�m not sure I can trust them seeing as they couldn�t even screw the molding back together correctly. Seriously � if they unbolt my engine block in order to replace the leaky oil lines, what are the chances that they�ll fail again to properly secure something. It is one thing to have a piece of molding rattling, but another thing completely if they fuck up something bigger. I hate car repair shops. Hate them with a passion. Just venting about all of this is making me seriously doubt that I had a good weekend.

Actually, I remember now that I chose to ignore the car woes and focus on fun stuff such as going to the pool on Saturday. Ah the pool. If you�ll cast yourselves back a few months to when I was actually going to the gym , you�ll remember that my gym is a pretty odd place. The pool at my gym is an extreme exaggeration of the odd people that frequent my gym. For example, on Saturday, Ryan and I chose two seats that were between two pools on the upper deck. We were taking in some rays and enjoying some Vodka Melonades (the upper deck pools feature an adults only pool complete with bar), when two chickadees sauntered over in front of us carrying cans of beer and proceeded to plop down into the pool in front of us. No problem there, many people were enjoying an adult beverage while escaping the heat in the pool. But then, one of the girls, a true to life �Smoker Party Chick,� produced an ashtray seemingly from nowhere and lit up a Parliament. I have to say, that was the first time I�d ever really witnessed someone smoking while treading water. Wait � I�ve seen that before, but I was at the Lake of the Ozarks at Party Cove. This was a swimming pool at a member�s only club. I�m guessing this girl had pulled off this stunt before because at one point not only was she holding her cigarette while treading water, she was also holding her beer can and alternating between swigs of beer and drags off the cigarette. Damned impressive if you ask me. I�ll bet she works out.

Oh, and in case you are unfamiliar with the term Smoker Party Chick, let me provide a brief definition as I am sure I�ll be using this term quite frequently over the next couple of months as trips to the pool progress. So here it is:

Smoker Party Chick (n.) Female between 19 and 24 who claims to only smoke when she drinks. Typically, she is on the verge of being an alcoholic and therefore is a chain smoker. Marked by a low gravelly voice, Smoker Party Chick is frequently photographed with a drink in hand and one arm mysteriously out of frame to perpetuate her belief that she doesn�t smoke a lot. Considered by her peers as the �life of the party�, Smoker Party Chick tries in vain to hide her weaker side and is often found professing her �love� for her friends in drunken slurred speech or puking in a planter outside a frat house.

On Sunday, we cleaned the house and got a few other things in order, then called a couple of friends to go to the pool with us. The experience did not disappoint, and this time we were treated to a different Smoker Party Chick. Typically, Smoker Party Chick has what I like to call Kappa Kappa Spank Me Blonde hair � a color of hair achieved by girls with dark brunette hair dyed a multi-facetted blonde-like color. This Smoker Party Chick wore her naturally dark hair with a one piece low v-neck swimsuit one might expect to see in the old Gloria Vanderbilt collection at K-Mart. She caught my attention originally due to the smoking in the pool (though not while treading water). Actually, she probably caught all of our attention because she was shrieking loudly begging for attention, but nonetheless, I quickly judged her and put her in the category of Smoker Party Chick because I�m an asshole like that. A few minutes later, she walked past us wearing high heels. This intrigued me, and I took a second look only to discover that she was wearing a pearl choker with her swimsuit. And I�m not talking a single strand here, but a five or six strand number that covered most of her neck. It took me a second to realize the extent to which she�d accessorized her swimsuit. In addition to the pearls and high heels, she also wore gigantic hoop earrings and big dark sunglasses. A toe ring and a large fake costume ring on one of her fingers completed the look. Cheese and Rice! Who dresses like that... a) ever and b) to go to a freaking pool!!!! Wow. Weekends at the pool can only get more interesting with a start like that. Isn�t it fun to be judgmental?

Well that�s all for now. I need to get back to work. Sorry for the break last week, but I was traveling. Fun.

1:53 p.m. - June 27, 2005

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