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Topless Boys at the Mall

Ryan had to work all weekend, and I got lonely. Left to my own devices, I managed to watch TV for 15 hours straight on Saturday. On Sunday, I was determined not to fall victim to the same TV trap. After breakfast, I got in the car and decided to take advantage of Missouri�s Tax Free weekend. The idea for the Tax Free weekend was to provide a tax break for parents buying school supplies for their kids. How a Nine West clutch qualifies as a school supply, I don�t know, but that�s not my problem! I gots me a new purse! I also managed to update my PJ pant collection, get some new kicks for the gym and new shirts and a tie for Ryan. The Garbage and Foo Fighter�s CDs (buy it), however, did not qualify for the tax break. I might�ve argued with the lady at the counter saying they were for my kid�s music class, but the Explicit Lyrics sticker would have been a dead giveaway that I was lying.

While at the mall deftly maneuvering the gangs of overly slutted out teenage girls and sloppy baggy pant grungy hat wearing teenage boys, I happened to catch a sight out of the corner of my eye that almost stopped me dead in my mall-walking tracks. I�m not even sure why I bothered to look past the store front of SpankMyMommy and Bitch, but I did. Just inside the door, standing next to a young hip chick in a pair of jeans with holes in pre-grassed stained knees and a series of layered tank tops with bra straps showing was a young man wearing an equally destroyed pair of jeans. And that was it. Just jeans. Wait, I lied. He was wearing one other thing, and that was a shit-eating grin.

There he stood, in a mall, his barely pubescent chest rubbed in oil for all the young chickadees to see. Oh I know I snickered, and I�m quite sure he saw me. Not that he would care � I might as well have been pushing a double-stroller while breast-feeding a kindergartner. I certainly wasn�t in the target market he and his employer were looking to draw into the store. I mean come on! I�m all of 28! This young man was there to attract two key audiences. A) 13 � 16 year old girls who can fit their skinny bitch assess in size 0�s. and B) Gay men. And once he�s attracted these two key audiences into the store, I wondered what the message was� �Come in! Look how great these pants look with bare chests! Buy pants � forget shirts! Shirts are soooo 2004.� Furthermore, I wonder if his mom knew what he was doing that Sunday afternoon. I can imagine the conversation at PecBoy�s house earlier that morning.

PecBoy: Mom, do you have any more of that Honey Ginger Salt Glow?

Mom: What on earth would you need that for?

PecBoy: Uh, nothing. Never mind.

I really wonder if the mom knew her son was going to pose topless in the mall. Imagine getting a call from a friend later that day informing you that your child was standing amidst racks of logo tees, abs flexed for all of the world to see. What a special day it was for that family.

8:00 a.m. - August 08, 2005

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