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Wedding Shit Wednesday

It's Wedding Shit Wednesday! Woo!!! After laying awake for a few hours last night because I heard a noise and I was all alone and of course it had to be my insurgent, I started letting my mind wander to things on my to do list. This is always a big mistake. HUGE mistake! I'm normally a really good sleeper. I think it is my one natural talent. But if I even let one thought of "gosh - I haven't done that yet" in my head, its all over.

Last night I calculated the number of days left until the wedding and then calculated the number of tasks that needed to still be done multiplied by the number of minutes each task would take divided by 60 to calculate the number of hours needed to complete said tasks, subtracted the number of hours spent on my exponentially expanding work day due to the fact that I'm gearing up for a very busy fall season at work, subtracted out the number of hours that will be spent on the road traveling for work plus the number of hours spent packing, minus all the hours spent watching all of the summer episodes of Trading Spouses, Extreme Makeover Home Edition and whatever is on PBS, divided the number of remaining hours by the number of hours needed to do wedding tasks and came up with a negative 76.3 hours. Basically, by the Tuesday following my wedding, I should be ready for it. SUCK.

To get myself on the ball, here's a list of the shit I expect to accomplish in the next week:

• Call and set up appointments with three photographers to discuss their outrageously priced wedding packages.
• Completely, 100% decide on invitations and purchase paper or place order.�
• Call and schedule a meeting with the couple from the church re: are we fit to be married (I already left a message on this one! Woo!)
• Re-schedule with the cake lady.�
• Call the reception site and schedule the tasting appointment.�
• Read the little book on planning the ceremony.�
• Hound The Boy about the DJ situation.�

Well, you get the idea. In the time it has taken me to write this list, I probably could've made half the calls I need to make. The DJ situation is an interesting one seeing as The Boy is a music freak. He plays in a band and stuff and has very particular taste in music. Basically, what he wants is a mindless drone for a DJ that will follow his play-list precisely and to the note. I mostly trust him on this, but do have this vision stuck in my head of everyone sitting in their chairs yawning while Guided By Voices blares from the AP system.

I hate Guided By Voices. Chances are, most of you don't know who they are - and that is EXACTLY my point! When we first started dating, a friend and I met The Boy and his friends at a Guided By Voices show. Hated it. Bleh. Hated it. About a year later, The Boy borrowed my car and while in his possession, an unlabeled copy of a Guided By Voices CD found its way into my CD player. When I got the car back, I wasn't paying much attention to the radio. I try to be open-minded about music, and had actually liked a lot of the stuff he'd left in my car before. While driving around running errands, I found myself getting annoyed and pissed off. It was that damned CD! I took it out, still not knowing what it was. I pick up The Boy. He puts the CD back in. I start to get annoyed. A few songs later, I ask what the CD is - Guided By Fucking Demon-Possessed Voices. Haaaaate. To this day, it is still fun for him to put that CD in my car and watch my demeanor change. Punk.

A couple of follow-ups to posts in my guestbook: 1) Tomatoes are the debil. My idea of torture would include being trapped in a small room with a live possum while being forced to eat raw tomatoes with a single Guided By Voices song on repeat playing uber-loud.. I grow them because everyone else seems to love eating garden fresh tomatoes with a dash of salt ::insert fake gagging noise here::. Also, Eli has the oh so strange fat pouch. Jane says it was because he was neutered too young, which I would say is probably true. He also has a really high pitched kitten meow despite the fact that he is almost three years old. That's why we call him the catten. Despite his small meow, he's a big cat weighing in around 13.5 lbs.

10:36 a.m. - July 28, 2004

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