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Wedding Band #2

Well that was an eventful weekend. My Saturday morning started with a little mind-numbing spider solitaire in my PJ pants. Ryan had a haircut scheduled, so I had a little extra time to veg out. Oh so needed and oh so enjoyed until�

Me: Hello?

Pahonix Ring Guy: Hi, Jennifer? Yeah, um, I just wanted to give you an update on your husband�s wedding band.

Me: (Internally: You mean the ring I should have had three freakin� months ago at our wedding ceremony???) Yes?

Pahonix Ring Guy: Um, yeah, well� well I have just been getting nowhere with this. I have called our distributor and the manufacturer in Italy, and well, I am sorry to say that I just have no idea when they might have your ring ready.

Me: (Internally: You fuckers! I could have used this information, FOUR months ago when I ordered the damn thing. You have ruined my LIFE!) Oh?

Pahonix Ring Guy: Um yeah, well I have a couple of calls out that I am expecting to be returned, and hopefully we will know more then, and because of your patience, I am willing to extend an additional 10% discount on the ring which means a 20% discount in total. Of course, I am afraid to say that there may be a scenario in which we can�t get the ring at all, and then of course, I�d offer you a full refund.

Me: (Internally: Full refund my ass, you�ll be sending me a pair of Oprah diamond studs!) Oh. Okay. Well, thanks for the update!

When Ryan returned from his haircut, I carefully informed him of this latest development. He informed me that the Pahonix Ring Guy could go fuck himself. He then declared the ring �tainted� and said he just wanted a plain simple standard wedding band. Nothing fancy, just a plain band. For the record, architects apply a completely different meaning to the words �plain, simple and standard� than do the rest of the world. Instantly, upon viewing what the rest of the world would agree is a �plain, simple and standard� wedding band, Ryan dismissed it and began constructing a ring no one had ever seen before in the history of men�s wedding rings. Only he continued to confuse each jeweler by asking for a ring that was �plain, simple and standard.�

Four shops later, discussing three separate rings at three different stores, none of which could be purchased outright, I was back at the sense of doom and frustration that had led me to the store in Pahonix. We had been to every non-chain jewelry store I could think of in Kansas City. Ryan sensed my frustration and asked me what I wanted to do. Cautiously, I suggested we go to a mass retailer at the mall. GASP! The horror of it! How can a mass retailer possibly have a �plain, simple and standard� wedding band!!!

Not surprisingly, the first shop we went to had a �somewhat acceptable� ring at a price much better than the fancy pants shops we�d been at. We strolled a bit further in the mall, and happened upon the little shop that sells primarily titanium rings but has a few fancier options as well. The stout little German man I�d seen on three previous visits to this store stood behind the counter of his warm little shop. I browsed while Ryan described his �plain, simple and standard� band to the German. The German studied his inventory, and then produced a band that was neither plain, simple nor standard. My curiosity peeked. This man spoke Ryan�s language!

40 minutes and three diatribes on the quality of German engineering later, Ryan looked at me holding a ring in his hand and said, �I like this one almost as much as I like the other one we looked at. I�ll have to think about it.� Not only had he remembered my lecture on communicating to me clearly which ring he liked, he�d also remembered my lecture on not letting the salesperson in on the fact that he was ready to buy. GLORIOUS! I started doing the potty dance and suggested we leave to �think about it a bit.� The German gave us a knowing nod. The game was on.

We strolled to the food court to procure a cherry limeade and a plan of action to acquire the ring. The German had given us a price that we both thought was a bit high. How would we get him to come down on the price? By the time we had drained the cherry limeade and had determined that the term �white sale� is out of date due to the complete lack of white things for sale in the white sale, we had a list of negotiating points.

We walked back to the store and the German took his position firmly behind the counter. We asked a couple of questions regarding our choices of precious metals and the benefits of each. Then I stood back as Ryan took the bull by the horns and began negotiating. He started off strong, and within minutes had the German looking upward and to the right which would indicate that he was accessing his left brain which is the side of the brain that does math. Ryan had frowned at me when I told him to say something about being concerned that the trendy style of the ring may actually be a negative when one considers the ring�s ability to stand the test of time, but when the German threw out the argument that this ring cost more because it was a unique style that no one else would have, Ryan pulled the style vs. test of time argument out. I smiled approvingly.

The German countered by asking what Ryan expected to pay. Ryan used the cost of the other ring which he was strongly considering. The German said the price of that ring was way too low and just couldn�t believe it. He would give us a 10% discount. Ryan started to nod approvingly, and that�s when I leapt in asking what the cost with tax would be. The German, distracted, pulled out a calculator and began crunching the numbers. He applied the 10% discount and the tax rate and showed us the final price. I looked at Ryan shaking my head slightly to indicate I wasn�t pleased. We ended up settling on a price that was less than the 10% discount and was inclusive of tax. The terms �with and without� tax confused Ryan for a moment, but at that point, the German and I were on the same wavelength and knew what we were saying. Ryan saw the number on the calculator and smiled approvingly. We had done it! Not only had we found a new fantabulous ring for Ryan, but we had successfully negotiated a better price for the product as a team! WOOOO!!!

All of this negotiating and ring hunting had thrown a wrench into my Saturday evening plan for girl�s night, but Ryan agreed to go to a movie while I went to dinner with the girls to avoid having to drive an extra hour in the car to drop him off at home. Ah the beauty of a new marriage in which both parties still feel, on occasion, the need to give a penny/take a penny.

Our Sunday involved a wonderful Thai lunch, a trip to the bookstore, three games of bowling, two movies and the purchase of an iPod Mini for me. I call it MyPod. It has solitaire and the ability to store mountains of music. I am overjoyed.

For Christmas, Paco and Jane gave Ryan some of that magic shell chocolate syrup that hardens when put on ice cream. On Saturday, we decided to enjoy a bowl of it - only it came out as pictured above. Despite it's nasty appearance, it was quite tasty, and on Sunday, we each enjoyed a second bowl of TurdCream.

1:32 p.m. - January 31, 2005

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