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Bagels for Ill Jill
I totally skipped out on work yesterday. Yeah � that�s right. Only days after writing about how I hate when people do that, I did that. I was feeling guilty this morning and offered to pick up bagels for the celebration of the birthday of Ill Jill. That�s her new name� the co-worker who fakes illness. Anyhow, the guilt lasted about 48 seconds when all of my obnoxious co-workers who usually come to me bitching about Ill Jill gathered around her office and gave her gifts. I overheard this because I office next to Ill Jill. All of the gatherers are white, but I heard more than one �Girrrll!!!" as they shrieked about something idiotic like how Ill Jill isn't as old as she thinks she is. What a bunch of fakers. I�m sure soon the hens will gather elsewhere and cackle about the fact that Ill Jill is once again wearing her damn non-denim jeans in an office environment that doesn�t allow jeans. These things are so mail order it isn�t even funny. Well, it kinda is funny, because I just searched the Chadwicks online catalog and found a pair of pants similar to her pants. Hers have the elastic waist band and are fake denim. They are also the �Tummy Control� version and are absolutely hideous. See!
The tapered legs, the lame attempt at mimicking the coloring of natural denim. The horror of pants that aren�t quite jeans but aren�t quite pants!!!
So my personal goal of worrying less about the goings on of my co-workers is apparently not going well based on the above hateful paragraph. Fabulous. I�d hoped taking a day off would have helped me to snap out of the cynical state I�m in and return to my typical sarcastic state, but alas, cynicism continues. I�m super sleepy for whatever reason. Probably because putting on a cheery happy face saps the energy out of me. I actually slipped when one of my co-workers jokingly said �I nominate you to lead �Happy Birthday� for Ill Jill�s birthday.� I snarked back, �I brought the f�in bagels, isn�t that enough?� Mental note � that would have been more appropriate internal dialogue, though the co-worker laughed. They shouldn�t encourage me so.
Ryan has been working with a couple of his friends to plan a ski trip in the next few weeks. I have never been skiing in my life, so I�m not quite sure whether I�m looking forward to this or not. Before you all chime in with how fun skiing is, let me just say that I am out of shape and sometimes, my hand eye coordination isn�t all it should be. I just hope I don�t pull a Sonny Bono.
I�m going to get my hair trimmed in just a bit. I probably scheduled the appointment a little sooner than necessary, but having short hair gives me the omnipresent fear that if not kept in check I could instantly find myself sporting a mullet. I had planned to postpone my appointment until next week until I saw the SuperBowl halftime show. Watching the SuperBowl last Sunday, I thought to myself, �when is Paul going to give up his Euro-mullet???� Also, has anyone else ever seen his mouth? Like ever? I swear every clip I�ve ever seen of him it looks like he�s trying to swallow the microphone. His eyes get all wide and semi-excited like �I think I might get it past my back teeth this time! Whee!� I don�t know why, but it bothers me. So did their choice of songs. My theory is that Michael Jackson owned the rights to all the really good Beatles songs and demanded too much money for permission in order to cover his ever growing legal bills. Oh to be on that jury. Freaky deaky!
Thanks for the ideas for the Ten Bucks Says I Love You More contest. I�m honing in on a couple of ideas. One idea involves a purposefully lame attempt to create an original charcoal drawing of Ryan or to create his likeness out of the cheapo candy chalk hearts. I�m also toying with the idea of creating a self-portrait with the suggestion that he can display it on his desk at work. Mind you, I am an awful artist, and either route is sure to produce something hideous and worthy only of a dumpster. The other idea is to create a psycho-stalker like shrine to us in one of the unfinished rooms. I figure I could print out a bunch of pictures of us, light a bunch of candles and burn a little incense. That with a giant poster declaring us together FOREVER might do the trick. I just don�t know which way to go � giant, overpowering statement of crazy love or small attempt at being personal and creating something myself for him to treasure freaky love. Oh the possibilities.
1:32 p.m. - February 10, 2005
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