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Back to School
I have a patch of unruly hair sticking straight off the back of my head. Sexy.
For my MBA application, I have to submit my resume. Since I started with my current employer, I haven�t updated my resume at all. Because I didn�t have an electronic version of my resume handy, I opened a new document and started typing it from scratch based on the resumes we reviewed for the job applicants the other day. The first section most of them seemed to have was called �Summary of Qualifications/Experience.� I typed up the header, did some fancy formatting, and then stared at the blank space for a few minutes. Finally, I typed, �I rock.� To emphasize my ability to rock, I put a bullet point in front of it. This pleased me. A bit stumped regarding a summary of my qualifications/experience, I decided to move onto the next section, �Professional Experience.� I think I have a different response to the question, �What do you do?� each time it is asked. I have a variety of tasks that range from cleaning data out of spreadsheets to getting pulled into surprise meetings with Senior Vice Presidents at major organizations. Oh, and I travel some, and I still help design websites for our company, and I negotiate prices on stuff, and so on and so forth. I do a lot of shit. I should be paid more, dammit.
Anyhow, I brain-dumped a bunch of bullshit about my current job onto the page and decided to print it out so I could take it home to noodle on it a bit more. The copy was lying on my desk when my boss came in to ask me something. I saw him glance down at the resume, and then look back at it with more curiosity. Rather than sending him back to his office wondering if I were job hunting, I told him why I was pulling together my resume. He suggested that I expand a bit on my summary of qualifications/experience pointing to my declaration that �I Rock.� Sound advice.
Also as part of my MBA application, I have to type in all the crap about my past educational experience. Seeing as I moved every 10 to 12 months during college, my files on my undergrad degrees aren�t in the best of shape. I was just flipping through a variety of old schedules and tuition and fees assessments when I came across the receipt from my freshman year trip to the health center upon to get my standard issue diagnosis of mono. Ah the memories.
Oh there she is � the beloved ARTS form. Oh, and a paycheck stub from the job with the suicidal stalker boss. And my grades from my first miserable semester in college � a 2.25 GPA � the grad school admissions board doesn�t need to see that one. Also hiding in this ill-organized folder was the simple sheet of notebook paper I used to propel myself through two degree programs in four years (plus summer school). You�d be frightened how similar the requirements are to get degrees in psychology and journalism. Somehow, the one piece of paper I need out of that mess isn�t anywhere to be found. They ask a fairly simple question on the application regarding my overall GPA, and I have all of the forms except the very last one sent to me after I graduated that shows the final calculation. Complicating matters is the fact that I took courses from four different universities in order to get my degrees.
I just spent 20 minutes calculating my GPA � ah that old familiar process. I was helped by a yellow note stuck to stained financial aid printout. The sticky note had some previous calculations I�d used to get at the exact same information I was trying to answer today. Yee haw! Funny, but my handwriting was so much nicer back then.
Speaking of writing, I still have to complete three 600 word essays on the following topics:
1) Describe someone you admire and explain why you admire this person. How have you incorporated what you have learned from this individual in your life?
2) Describe a difficult decision that you have faced. How did you resolve the internal conflicts and the situation? What did you learn from this?
3) How do you anticipate that earning a graduate degree in business will assist you in achieving your career objectives?
Ugh. As much as I enjoy writing, I absolutely abhor idiotic questions like these. I�m not sure sarcasm would be appreciated as part of my grad school application, but if I had my way, I�d respond something a bit like this:
1) A person I admire? No question about it. I think Ashlee Simpson is da BOMB! Drop it like it�s hot, baby. Her ability to overcome difficulties to advance her career is incredibly impressive, and I have learned a lot from her. For instance, she has absolutely no talent, but that hasn�t stopped her from getting major record contracts, being booked for major events like the Super Bowl and annoying the living shit out of me with her neuron-killing reality TV show. I have learned a lot from that obnoxious little dimwit.
2) In my work, I have faced a variety of difficult decisions. The most difficult of all is whether to take a poo at work or run home over the lunch break.
3) Let�s be honest. I really could care less about the educational aspect of my degree seeking activities. I heard that people with MBAs get paid better than people without them. I like money. More please.
That�s a lie, by the way. I do care about the educational aspect. All of this effort to fill out my application has made me nostalgic. I can�t wait to go back to school. I�ll have to get me a new backpack. Are Eastpak�s still cool?
5:05 p.m. - August 10, 2005
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