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Christmas Prep

This morning, I managed to shave 73% of my legs. I would have completed the task, however while attempting to shave the lower right calf and knee of my right leg, the water in the shower stopped. And when I say stopped, I don�t mean slowed to a trickle, it straight stopped. So there I stood, white shaving cream on my lower calf and knee. Happily, I�d rinsed the conditioner out of my hair between shaving the left and right legs, but nonetheless, I was trapped. Water refused to come out of the shower head. Luckily, Ryan was around and brought me a second towel to wipe the excess shaving cream off of my leg. Of course by then, I was thinking the worst � either the pipes had frozen and burst or the hot water heater had finally rusted through. Suspiciously, it was neither of those two doomsday situations, but instead a break in the main water line in my neighborhood. Phew! Just that! Anyhow, watch for me on the news in a couple of days � If I wear a skirt, some religious nut might see the image of the virgin mother of Mary on my calf which grew in due to the strange shaving pattern caused by this water main break. Wouldn�t that be just the thing for the Christmas holiday!

Speaking of the Christmas holiday, it is at my house this year. In total, I will attempt to feed ten people on Sunday, and silly me, I haven�t even researched my jello salad recipe yet. I have decided on making a London Broil as my main dish with turkey supplementing, however my dear older brother Paco actually took the time to IM me to instill doubt in my mind regarding this meal. I, of course, defended my selection insisting that it wasn�t at all tough and was very flavorful when I made it a few weeks ago which means that on Christmas day, no matter what I do, it will come out tough and flavorless just to prove him right. On top of that, I am planning to use my fancy wedding china because seriously, when else do you use that crap. However, I only have 8 place settings, and while I�m fine with using different place settings for the two guests under the age of 14, I�m afraid my other plates won�t look very nice next to a table full of fancy china. I should just get my ass in gear and go to the local Salvation Army to see if I can find two matching and complimentary fancy plates, but then again, I�m too lazy to go to the post office, get gas, pick up two remaining presents, think of a good gift for Ryan and a variety of other things. Alas, my Christmas dinner table will be set with non-matching and non-complimentary plates. Lovely.

The one good thing I have done in preparation for Christmas is to have practiced my floral arrangement for the centerpiece. It is quite lovely, if I do say so myself. I don�t have a picture handy, but for those of you who might like to emulate it, it is really easy. Here�s what you need:

Shallow bowl
5 Tulips
5 � 8 small pine branches
3 stems of hypericum berries
Wire

Take one of the tulips and one of the pine branches. Lay the tulip on top of the pine branch. I left most of the tulips leaves on. Using the wire, tie the branch and tulip together near the stem. Place each branch/tulip combo in the bowl fanning it around so it is �wreath-like�. Place the berry stems in the middle to cover up the nasty wire ties. Voila! Instant low-flying holiday centerpiece. I rule!

4:39 p.m. - December 19, 2005

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