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My bra is showing

Holy shit.

I am about to head into a meeting with two very important people plus my entire department. I have to speak for about two minutes to this entire group. I went to the bathroom so I wouldn�t fidget during the meeting, and one last glance in the mirror revealed a horrible image. The pattern of my bra is highly visible in relief only (not color) through my black loose fitting but clinging to every bump on my patterned bra shirt. This is hell.

After a few terrifying minutes in the bathroom, I have discovered if a slump forward jutting my spine out assuming the posture of Mr. Burns, that the visibility of the pattern is greatly reduced. These people are going to think I am a hunchback. What have I done? I�ll be back to elaborate after my meeting and a lunchtime trip to the bra-peddling store nearest me.

Later that day�

Oh I should have just gone home! I managed to slump forward in my chair reducing the sight of my stupid bra through my stupid shirt, but in the process, I managed to get fingerprints on the back of my shirt from the foundation on my face rubbing off on the shoulders where I kept pulling my shirt forward so that it would blouse over my stupid bra. I am a mess! This used to be one of my favorite shirts because it was so comfy and non-form fitting. Throughout the day it has slowly been working its way to the back of the closet. Furking shirt. And don�t even get me started with the damn bra. Argghhhh! I hate undergarment faux pas. Hate them! And today, I�m a total violator of good undergarment etiquette. Woe is me!

After successfully assuming the Mr. Burns posture for the entire hour and a half long meeting, I was about to sveltely sneak out to buy a new bra when somehow, I ended up eating lunch with three co-workers instead. The slumping � my back, har!

So now it is useless for me to even think about buying a new bra. I just have to slump my way through every meeting and every hallway encounter until this miserable day ends. I have a meeting in a few with my boss and Ill Jill. If I�m not slumping, I�m forced to awkwardly shield my chest for fear of bumpy bra sighting. And everyone knows when you are trying to hide something typically that something just becomes more and more apparent. I might as well put a Post-it on my chest that says, �I made a poor choice in undergarments this morning. Staring at my chest is permissible for today only.� This day would totally suck except�

Overheard in the ladies room:

�Wow! Both small stalls are full. Looks like I get the big girl ride!�

She was referring to the handicapped stall. For some reason, that phrase amused me. And for clarification, the person saying this didn�t seem to be implying that only large people use handicapped stalls. She said it in a childlike voice which appeared to be referencing the transition from baby to toddler � for example:

- You don�t need a diaper. You can use the potty like big girls do!
- You are now old enough to sleep in a big girl bed!

Or maybe I�m giving her too much credit. Maybe she�s got something against obesity. I don�t know. Anyhow, if taken in context of baby to toddler that statement was funny. If taken in context of size, she should be turned into HR. Who knows. My bra texture is showing. I�ve got no room to judge people today.

Oh, and one note regarding the criminal acts of the credit card thieving beeyotch. I�m lazy. I have had to call the city police department a couple of times to report car break-ins, house break-ins, accidents, etc. Filing police reports takes time and patience. Two things I�m a bit short of these days. After talking with the credit card company when they identified the theft, I asked them if we needed to do anything such as file a police report. The guy basically shrugged his shoulders � well I don�t know that he did that because we were on the phone, but he managed to verbally convey the shrugging of his shoulders. We did call the fast food restaurant to alert them of the problem, and again � shrugging of shoulders. Now I�m sure the police might have elicited more of a response from them, but at that point, we were preparing to leave town for the weekend and we didn�t have a copy of the charges that were made on the credit card and because the card was reported stolen, they killed off our internet access to the account. I know � excuses excuses. My failure to report the little bee-yotch to the po po has probably caused more headaches for more people. If I can find the paper statement for my credit card, I�ll call tonight. Of course the po po will probably blow me off since it has been a month and since the credit card company covered the fraud, I�m not really out anything, but we�ll see. Hey, at least the gas thieving bee-yotch was working, and I commend her for that. Minimum wage sucks a whole lot of ass. Does it excuse breaking the law? No, but it does provide yet another excuse for me not having called the cops yet.

3:58 p.m. - August 24, 2005

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